On the Topic of Bees
Also, Why Nature Must be Subjugated
For the impatient reader, allow me to summarize: Bees are terrible.
I always thought that bees were lovely little creatures that provided delicious honey that could then be turned into even more delicious mead. I was terribly, horribly, awfully wrong.
Bees are giant almost-windling sized monstrosities that fly butt-first at you with the intent of simultaneously poisoning you and draining your blood. This is not acceptable. I am not some kind of self-harming briar patch of an elf. Also, nature and I are going to have some words.
To provide context, it turns out that these Blood Bees have been terrorizing the areas northwest of Throal. I joined my good companion William Carver, my only slightly less good companion Norg (on account of we have spent less time together), and new faces (to me): Zil the Windling elementalist and U'k'talla the T'skrang swordmaster. Whipmaster? He used a whip.
Our mission, and its execution, were relatively straightforward. We went into the hills, whereupon we found said monstrous insects and proceeded to clear out the first stage of the infestation. It was a painful process, and U'k'talla took the worst of it but we did well and ventured on.
We came upon our common nemesis - the river. This time, however, there was a bridge. No engineering required! That was the good news. The bad news: The bees had learned tactics. Yes, I understand exactly how ridiculous that sounds, but they were organized. They had laid an ambush which, fortunately, we anticipated.
We fought them. They came in waves. They bit and stung and buzzed and harried us. Multiple times, they pierced their butt-spikes (stingers, I am told they are called) into my leg and proceeded to try to exsanguinate me. As the community-minded dwarf that I am, I immediately signaled to my colleagues that I was in need of aid. This is a technique they call 'screaming in pain and fear'. It is highly effective. Equally effective was carrying these little buzzing vampires over to Norg, who was able to pulverize them with his bizarrely massive fists.
Wounded and exhausted, we moved forward and made camp. Only to be ambushed by wolves. And also trolls. I was a bit groggy during all of this but it turns out the trolls were not, in fact, ambushing us but were assaulting the wolves in an effort to keep us safe. Community! Kebb and, ah, ahem. His friend. Kebb and his friend helped us drive the wolves off and invited us to their frosty trollmoot.
I must say, what lovely company these trolls were. There were feats of strength and courage, good drink, simple and hearty food and great camaraderie. I spent nearly a full week there and, having returned, have found that the mountain air and narrow paths have left me rather more agile.
Trolls are great. Bees are the worst.